Posted: December 26th, 2009 | Author: Dave | Filed under: Toddlers | Tags: backyardigans, charlie and lola, childrens shows, curious george, kids shows, mr rogers, nanalan, television, tv | 6 Comments »
Children of the 70’s had 4 options when it came to TV: Snow, snow, snow, and news. Most of the time you settled on Bowling for Dollars or M*A*S*H. For kids, Saturday was TV Day, and we sat glued to Tom and Jerry, Deputy Dog, the Road Runner and even the crap like Grape Ape and Honk Kong Fooey.
If you missed your show, you were out of luck. Back to snow and M*A*S*H for another week.
That was then.
Thanks to the miracle of TiVo, our kids rewind live TV, hitting the pause button and ask for specific episodes. Darn whipper-snappers.
There are entire networks that air nothing but children’s programming, 24/7. Most are garbage: Twenty-two minutes of programming wrapped around eight minutes of ads or worse, an entire show that promotes a doll, action figure, play set, etc.
As a former latchkey kid who watched more television than a Nielsen family, I’m strict about how much time the kids spend in front of the tube. While flipping past the junk, I’ve identified five shows that I’m happy to let my kids watch. In fact, I think they’re kind of fun myself. Here they are, in no particular order.
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Posted: December 26th, 2009 | Author: Dave | Filed under: Toy of the week | Tags: camera, kidizoom, toys, vtech | No Comments »
Most kids are shameless hams who love seeing photos and videos of themselves. Let them create those snaps and the fun (and narcissism) skyrockets.
The Vtech Kidizoom Plus Digital Camera is sturdy, ergonomically-designed and simple enough for most older toddlers to master within a few minutes. Out of the box, the Kidizoom can store up to 200 pictures via internal memory, but external cards are so inexpensive that there’s almost no reason to avoid one. The cable to connect it to your TV (RCA cables) and computer (mini-USB to 6-pin) are included. The memory card mounts as a volume so the Kidizoom doesn’t care if you’ve got a Mac or a PC.
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Posted: December 26th, 2009 | Author: Dave | Filed under: Pics | No Comments »
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Posted: December 26th, 2009 | Author: Dave | Filed under: Coping | Tags: features | 1 Comment »
Previously, I’ve shared some fatherly advice with my son, William. Here’s another father-to-son post, but with a twist.
Son:
Someday, you’ll be a teenager. You’ll try to get away with things — sneaking out, lying about school work, fake IDs…every trick in the book. Well, guess what, my boy…
I wrote that book.
Your decrepit old dad was 18 for a time, too. So let’s drop the pretense now and avoid a lot of effort and aggravation, okay? Here we go.
There is only one reason teenagers burn incense, and it’s got nothing to do with meditation. And before you even ask, I’ll answer: No, you may not have a fan in your bedroom window.
There is no “squeak-free” path through the house. Do you think we live in a converted summer cottage for the fun of it? This place creaks and groans with every footstep. It’s a giant booby trap, my boy. Good luck sneaking in at 1 a.m.
Some of your friends will tell you that it’s safe to drink vodka, because it has no odor. If you’re willing to put their advice up against dad’s nose, you do that. Let’s see what happens.
When you come home with the minivan and the rear view mirror on the passenger’s door is missing, you’ll tell your parents that you were fiddling with the radio, got distracted and grazed a telephone pole. The truth is, you were playing a game with some of your idiot friends called, “Let’s See Who Can Get Closest To The Telephone Poll Without Hitting It,” and you lost. Trust me, your parents will know you’re lying.
Finally, I’ll give you the same warning your grandpa gave me. If you get arrested, get comfortable, because you’re spending the night in jail.
Don’t get the wrong impression, son. I’m not “out to get you.” I simply want to save us some aggravation. And don’t try to con your grandfather.
He was worse than I was.
Son:
Someday, you’ll be a teenager. You’ll try to get away with things — sneaking out, lying about school work, fake IDs…every trick in the book. Well, guess what, my boy…
I wrote that book.
Your decrepit old dad was 18 for a time, too. So let’s drop the pretense now and avoid a lot of effort and aggravation, okay? Here we go.
There is only one reason teenagers burn incense, and it’s got nothing to do with meditation. And before you even ask, I’ll answer: No, you may not have a fan in your bedroom window.
There is no “squeak-free” path through the house. Do you think we live in a converted summer cottage for the fun of it? This place creaks and groans with every footstep. It’s a giant booby trap, my boy. Good luck sneaking in at 1 a.m.
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Posted: December 24th, 2009 | Author: Dave | Filed under: Pics | No Comments »
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Posted: December 24th, 2009 | Author: Dave | Filed under: Coping | 2 Comments »
My friend’s wife is pregnant with their first child. “What’s it like?” he asked me. “Life with kids I mean.”
“Imagine you’ve got a large, cardboard box,” I told him. “The kind they use to ship clothes dryers. Fold back the flaps and place everything you enjoy inside, like your Sony Playstation, your bicycle and electric guitar. Gather abstract things as well, like uninterrupted football games, free time on the weekends and the sense that you actually can do something you want to do, when you want to do it. Toss it all in. Don’t worry, it will fit. That’s why we got the big box.
Next, get some packaging tape and seal it tight. You may hear some whimpering, but don’t stop. That’s just the media room you planned to build in the basement calling out to you. Ignore it.
Place the box and a shovel into the back of your truck and drive deep into the woods. Dig a large hole and toss the box inside. Again, ignore the muffled sobbing. Cover it with dirt and get back into the truck. Put it in gear and drive away. Don’t look back, just go. It’s easier that way, like pulling off a Band-Aid.”
He stared at me, waiting for the punch line. I stared back – unshaven, tired and 20lbs heavier than I was B.C. (Before Children). “When do Iget the box back?” he asked.
“You never get the box back,” I said. “The box is gone now.”
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Posted: December 23rd, 2009 | Author: Dave | Filed under: Toddlers | No Comments »
Part 1: Overheard at the Harley Davidson Dealership
William: That’s a motorcycle!
Me: Yes.
William: It’s cool!
Me: Yes.
William:…and pretty.
Me: No. No, no no. No.
———-
Part 2: Overheard from the booster seat
William, upon noticing his runny nose: My nose is coming down.
———-
Part 3: Overheard at breakfast
Grace: Oh, it died.
Me: It “died”?
Grace: Yes.
Me: What died?
Grace: The butter.
Me: The butter died.
Grace: Yes. You need to put more.
Me: On top of your dead butter.
Grace: Yes.
Me: Um, Okay.
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Posted: December 23rd, 2009 | Author: Dave | Filed under: Pics | No Comments »
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Posted: December 22nd, 2009 | Author: Dave | Filed under: Coping | 1 Comment »
Bees like honey.
Fish like water.
Flowers like rain.
They’re amateurs. A bee’s heart isn’t in it. Fish hold a passing interest in their life-sustaining environment. They don’t love these things, not when compared to the following.
My wife loves Christmas.
Hers is the pinnacle of devotion. An adoration so consuming it makes Pa and Laura Ingles look like adversaries. This why Grace thinks it’s normal to have eleven Christmas trees in our house.
And they went up before Thanksgiving.
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Posted: December 22nd, 2009 | Author: Dave | Filed under: Coping | Tags: ballet, christmas, herr drosselmeyer, kids, nutcracker | No Comments »
I’m in a room brimming with estrogen. The air smells like Aqua Net, makeup and rented tutus. Quick flashes of pink, sequins and tulle buzz in my peripheral vision. Tiny, sparkling girls run in all directions.
I feel like an interloper in this frenzied beehive of femininity. Can daddy prep his little girl to dance in “The Nutcracker” all by himself?
I’m shaking a huge can of hair spray. “Grace, look at me,” I say. “I just need to flatten your hair down.”
“Maybe a mommy can do it,” she says, eyeing the women in the room.
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