Like a hat

In lieu of today’s pic, here’s an old video. The off-camera voice that’s cracking up? Yeah, that’s me.

Father to son, Part II

Son:

Ah, you’re growing up so quickly. It’s been a few days since our last man-to-man. We’re a little older, a little wiser — and a little closer to the years when you’ll want nothing to do with me. Thus, it’s time for another talk. Like I said last time, this is important, so pay attention.

1. Learn how to make a decent paper airplane. Don’t scoff, this is important. A good paper airplane will allow you to entertain yourself, impress your friends, annoy your teachers, and even amaze other kids once you’re an adult like your old man. It requires only a single sheet of paper, so you can whip one out almost anywhere — the airport, a restaurant, Easter Sunday Mass — and often for free. What’s more, you can use almost anything you find lying around, like a place mat or a parking ticket.

There’s more to it than simply folding a piece of paper into a triangle and tossing it onto the floor. First, fold a lengthwise sheet of paper in half, then lay it flat again. Fold the top two corners to meet the seam you made, then do so again. Next, re-fold the paper in half along the lengthwise seam. Finally, fold each side in half so that the top meets the bottom edge to make wings. Throw and enjoy. Note that putting a paper clip on the nose doesn’t really help, despite what people will tell you.

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The decade’s top baby names

December brings lists, and MSNBC has published the top baby names of the decade. Thanks to celebrities like Gweneth Paltrow, afflictions like Apple and Nevaeh (“heaven” spelled backward) are more popular than ever. Fortunately, classics like Emma and Emily, Jacob and Matthew are still in the top ten.

I agree with George above: Nine times out of ten, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker.

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Dentist trip

1st dentist trip and not happy about it. Click to view full photo. More daily pics.

The parenting guilt of Generation X

“Go outside and play.”

“But…”

“No ‘but.’ Go.”

I looked at my mother through the dirty screen door. She wore bright yellow elbow-length rubber gloves and a look of determination  — “You are NOT coming back in this house.” I turned around and walked into the yard, defeated.

A few hours later, when my mother was again talking to me through the screen, the conversation was quite different.

“I said come in here now! It’s time to eat”

“No! I want to stay outside.”

“David, I am not kidding…”

Such were my childhood summers. I spent a lot of time outside so that my mother was able to get things done unburdened by a whining, needy kid.

Today, I feel guilty if I don’t spend every waking moment on the floor, exploiting every educational opportunity that presents itself. I recently read an article that described this phenomenon as a generational thing, more prevalent among parents in their thirties than previous generations.

Call it The Parenting Guilt of Generation X.

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Flying bananas

Click to view full photo. More daily pics.

5 kids’ shows I’m happy to watch

Children of the 70’s had 4 options when it came to TV: Snow, snow, snow, and news. Most of the time you settled on Bowling for Dollars or M*A*S*H. For kids, Saturday was TV Day, and we sat glued to Tom and Jerry, Deputy Dog, the Road Runner and even the crap like Grape Ape and Honk Kong Fooey.

If you missed your show, you were out of luck. Back to snow and M*A*S*H for another week.

That was then.

Thanks to the miracle of TiVo, our kids rewind live TV, hitting the pause button and ask for specific episodes. Darn whipper-snappers.

There are entire networks that air nothing but children’s programming, 24/7. Most are garbage: Twenty-two minutes of programming wrapped around eight minutes of ads or worse, an entire show that promotes a doll, action figure, play set, etc.

As a former latchkey kid who watched more television than a Nielsen family, I’m strict about how much time the kids spend in front of the tube. While flipping past the junk, I’ve identified five shows that I’m happy to let my kids watch. In fact, I think they’re kind of fun myself. Here they are, in no particular order.

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Toy of the week – Vtech Kidizoom Plus Digital Camera

Most kids are shameless hams who love seeing photos and videos of themselves. Let them create those snaps and the fun (and narcissism) skyrockets.

The Vtech Kidizoom Plus Digital Camera is sturdy, ergonomically-designed and simple enough for most older toddlers to master within a few minutes. Out of the box, the Kidizoom can store up to 200 pictures via internal memory, but external cards are so inexpensive that there’s almost no reason to avoid one. The cable to connect it to your TV (RCA cables) and computer (mini-USB to 6-pin) are included. The memory card mounts as a volume so the Kidizoom doesn’t care if you’ve got a Mac or a PC.

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On the deck

Click for full photo. More daily pics.

Father to son, Pt. I

Son:

Someday, you’ll be a teenager. You’ll try to get away with things — sneaking out, lying about school work, fake IDs…every trick in the book. Well, guess what, my boy…

I wrote that book.

Your decrepit old dad was 18 for a time, too. So let’s drop the pretense now and avoid a lot of effort and aggravation, okay? Here we go.

There is only one reason teenagers burn incense, and it’s got nothing to do with meditation. And before you even ask, I’ll answer: No, you may not have a fan in your bedroom window.

There is no “squeak-free” path through the house. Do you think we live in a converted summer cottage for the fun of it? This place creaks and groans with every footstep. It’s a giant booby trap, my boy. Good luck sneaking in at 1 a.m.

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